Thursday, September 16, 2010

No need to trouble the police

Lately, it seems like panic is the best response. Mostly because it's the only option that's not actively (directly?) harmful towards other people, and not panicking is so tiresome.  I was on the panic and flee into a cave train, up until, I don't know, Monday.

Is it still called a psychotic break when you start being super productive instead?

The nice thing about completing tasks (besides the panic subsiding) is that it makes you feel goooooood.  Flow is a hell of a drug, and every box I check in my Google task list is another hit.  About five minutes ago, I checked the supertask of a bunch of subtasks and they all got checked in at the same time

Aw yeah.  That's the stuff.

My sleep schedule, as usual, has taken the hit for this one, but my body, knowing me, has developed a kind of sleep inertia.  I can keep going for a couple of days with little problem, but the moment I sleep, I can't get up 'till it's satisfied or until I trick it into believing I'm about to die.  Ergo, my alarm clock is a random mix of warning sounds.

It's another one of those choose two trifectas, like "good, fast, and cheap" or "omniscient, omnipotent, and omnibenevolent," only this one pits sanity against productivity and, uh, hmm.  What was it?

I'm a little loopy.  You'll have to forgive the dug up yard: I put all the dirt back.  Bob?  No I haven't seen Bob.  Why?

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

It would be my leitmotif when striding into battle

You're highly unlikely to hear a genuine song about unaided, unadulterated procrastination ('Cause I Got High doesn't count).  The reason should be obvious: you write what you know, and, in this case, "what you know" and "writing" are mutually exclusive.

I would like to have such a song.  I get over being angry by listening to angry music and get over being depressed by listening to depressing music.  Maybe this last key is all I need to take over the world.

Friday, September 10, 2010

I make people jealous

Or, women, rather.  I don't understand why, because no one should be jealous or envious of me.  Well, maybe homeless people.  But still.

In the last couple of weeks, people (read: women) have told me the following:

"I'm so jealous of your hair." (my hairline is receding at enough of a rate that I have dreams about being Hulk Hogan.)

"How can you eat so much?  You must be 20 pounds overweight." (I am.  At least.)

"You're kind of my fashion icon.  I like how you don't care about your clothes." (Well, I don't, but I don't get any respect, either.)

"I wish I weren't so depressed.  You're always so happy and lucky." (Ok, that was a dude.)

It's true, the grass is always greener.  I heard an interview on NPR with some guy who wrote fiction about being depressed and also a family; he mentioned that he viewed minor, non-clinical depression as a kind of survival mechanism for people with shitty lives, like the Jews (his words).  Expect shittiness, and when you get it, you won't feel so bad.  I don't know where he gets his depression, because mine is all about being unable to function and having that prevent you from functioning.

I've heard that it's like ADHD; you have only so much concentration to spend on things that bore you/make you anxious and ADHD sufferers basically don't have a full stock like some people.  It may be possible to drain your supply so constantly that it's like you have some sort of problem without legitimately feeling like you're allowed to self-diagnose because then you would be another in the army of people ruining the American health care system.  Fortunately, it may very well be that the solution is to fix the stuff that's draining your supply.  Unless you're Jewish, apparently, in which case you're doomed to permanent pessimism and the resultant depression.

Meanwhile, ladies, really: be born Hispanic (ok, use only a Starburst-shaped amount (the candy) of shampoo and wash the roots of your hair (condition throughout) every other day), add 28 grams of dietary fiber to your diet (one of only a few proven ways to prevent insulin spikes), and, well, don't expect to get hired for any management positions.  Oh, and dude, when you're depressed, you remember all the bad things and none of the good, so you have a bias and that's why you think other people are happier.  It's Science.